Thursday, May 26, 2011

thursday hurt me the most....

Posted by Mama Safiya and Adam at 9:17 AM
this is life. if there's no sad things happen our day is not colorful. btul? but for me, i rather to choose happy moments in life than facing mende2 yang xspttnya dan tdak djangka..salah ke saya menceroboh email Mr. S? saya tahu, salah. it's not a good idea. but curiosity kills the cat...right? i kill myself when i let him used my office pc yesterday evening. stupid n careless me... i am sorry but sumtimes i cannot help myself from investigating him. not that much, only few times. i found out so much things. i try to compare myself with all his past %6&8%$... bengang juga. tapi, i need to find n know sumthing before i decided to get marry this september. sadly to say, i am frustrated. totally lost this morning. worst is,  i don't talk much, i don't take my breakfast n i don't salam his hand, i don't say even sorry to him n so bad me when i don't say bye2 n smile at him when he go back. am i too egoist? no, i just can't help myself when i hurt.

he is a very good man. so far, i don't see any guys that really love me like he do. however, i have difficulties to trust people. but i don't say i don't trust him at all, i don't say he is bad guy. i just arghhhh!! i don't know dear. my life is not that good compared to others. i am grateful. but i actually afraid of myself, sad bout my face skin, afraid when people judge me dgn truk skali. i macam gila kan? my dear fiance don't allowed me to cry, but i realized when i don't cry, my heart jadi batu. i da xjd cm dlu. that was what Mr. S said to me. i rasa bad sgt.
Ya ALLAH...i am sorry. tp i pun rasa truk sgt. sgt2. i am not a good woman, even i try. i just don't like to share. i just wnt to be the one n only. mmg i tamak. tp...i rasa i kna pentingkan diri sndr kadang2.

i am sorry... :-(
bila rasa bersalah dan sedih yang teramat  menyelubungi hati....


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